I’m no deeply educated kink guru, but the concept of fetishes always seemed a bit broad and fuzzy to me. Maybe some people really truly cannot experience sexual pleasure without engaging in their fetish, but for others it’s more of a very strong preference, or even just a space they’re excited about exploring.
Sexuality is fluid and highly contextual. For me, there are elements of my sexuality that have shifted over the years but I still like novelty (“spicing things up” as they say) and (probably due to my religious upbringing) a certain thrill when it feels like one is doing something a little “wrong” or transgressive. Those don’t really lend themselves to set patterns or “fetishes” because if you do anything enough it can feel normal and routine.
For somebody with a lot of enduring shame actually that might even “anchor” a fetish maybe, the ones who like things so transgressive that they will never be normalized in our society. Sex is weird.
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