For me it’s weird, I dropped it all before the dating apps really got going, but the hardest part for me has become meeting potential romantic partners outside of the apps. It’s also an issue of “I stopped going to bars, but didn’t quit drinking and even if I did you’re not supposed to meet anyone in recovery” to be fair, but those are supposedly the only places that are acceptable to (respectfully) approach people and shoot one’s proverbial shot.

The common advice is “just meet someone at a hobby,” but my hobbies are loner hobbies like reading and stupid shit like that, nobody wants to be talked to by a stranger at a bookstore, library, or even the comic store. I also like music, and nobody wants to be hit on at a punk show (besides, what, do I yell “I LIKE YOUR DOCS WANNA GO GET SOME COFFEE??” no way, she’ll say “WHAT??” because she can’t hear me!) I also like wandering in the woods looking at cool rocks and mushrooms and slithery things near creeks, but we all know what they say about a man in the woods, I’d have a better chance if I were a bear! Lol.

I think my only recourse is to:

1. Go back to bars, to my detriment, which isn’t actually the best way to find a committed relationship (I mean, a hookup would be cool too but that isn’t my goal.)

2. Somehow find a way to use one of the stupid apps and not sacrifice my sanity or privacy, which I don’t even know how that’d be possible.

3. Become one of those dudes that just doesn’t give a shit at all, and will ask someone “hey I think you look cool, wanna grab some coffee?” literally anywhere I see someone who looks like we may vibe. And I mean no fucks given, grocery store, book store, library, her job, literally an anywhere “see em ask em” policy. Kiiiinda leaning this way. Fuck it, the only thing that stops me is I don’t want to be one of those dudes who makes women uncomfortable, but also I have to meet them somewhere, and naturally that has to be where they are. (Maybe not at like a funeral lmao, but ykwim.) And this isn’t without precedent mind you! I’ve recently seen some women complaining that “nobody asks them out in public anymore” since the apps, so like, evidentially some will hate it but some won’t and I gotta sift through somehow!

I’d be cool with being alone with my cats forever, I have a hand I guess lol, and could just go back to the bars for casual hookups, but It’d be cool to find someone to like, date or whatever lol.

(Not really seeking more of the same “hobbies” advice, more just venting and answering the question)

Well I haven’t dropped social media entirely because….I’m here. But about 2 years ago I got completely off of FB…I had been off Instagram for a while, never did TikTok and rarely used Twitter or chat style social media. I cancelled my Reddit account during the API thing and came here…but still occasionally lurk without an account there. And the reason is this…what I really miss is other people’s thoughts. Sane, crazy, silly, angry…whatever. I love to learn random facts, I love to watch a tv show and see what everyone else thinks, and I like reading what the average person thinks about world news and yes, even politics (though I always keep in mind that bots and trolls are a thing). I liked it on Reddit because if I read something that seemed off to me, it wasn’t connected to the face of my beloved Aunt, or well intentioned but batty mother. It was a face in the crowd but it was a way to find out thoughts from people outside my bubble.

Podcasts are helping because a lot are run by just normal people…so I get a bit of a “fix” there. But I love watching something or reading a random book and then just searching it on Reddit to see what other people thought. I really hope one day Lemmy grows enough to fulfill that for me. It’s getting closer for sure.

I stopped using social media a little over a year ago, except for Reddit. Now my challenge will be weaning off of Reddit, once the paywalls hit.